Legends of the Halcyon Era

Episode 65 - The Avion Adventure: Make Love, Not War

Black Steel stirred in his bed for the third time that night. Sleep had not come for him all week, and he was left wondering where Janine had been. In that interim, he had taught himself to replace his wonder with more training.

He leaned up, and tilted his head, looking out at the stars before getting up and going out to stand on the balcony of his hotel room. He drooped his head and looked down, where he spotted an unmistakable burst of aqua-colored hair far below.

His first instinct was to leap over the balcony, but came to his senses just in time. Instead, he ventured back inside to throw on a black shirt and head downstairs the easy, decidedly more sane way.

Outside of the hotel, Janine was sitting on the curb, where she looked at her feet with an aura of gloom about her.

Katrina jogged by, not in her full armor, but more athletic wear. Thanks to her vibrant, fiery yellow and red wings, though, she remained pretty unmistakable. Once she realized it was Janine she'd just passed, she backed up.

"Hey, Jan. Long time, no see."

"Oh, hi, Katrina. How goes?"

"Pretty good..."

Steel arrived at the doors to the hotel, but stopped once he saw Katrina talking to Janine.

"Have you talked to Steel recently? He was looking around for you, and there are some... things he should probably tell you about," Katrina said, a little nervously.

Janine just shook her head. "No. I... I just haven't been able to face him."

Katrina looked at her inquisitively. "Why not?"

"Well, ever since he got his memory back, it's like he's..." she trailed off, uncertain of what to say. "He's just been so... so intense about his training. That look in his eyes... it's scaring me."

Katrina wasn't sure how to answer that, so Janine continued. "I know he has a good reason to want to get stronger, I do, and he's only trying to do what's right. But... but I'm afraid he's going to lose himself to... to this."

"Have you tried explaining to him how you feel?"

Janine let out a sad sigh. "I've been going over it in my head a million times, but... I'm just not good at the deep stuff, you know?"

"Well, you need to say something to him. Don't worry about being deep, just tell him what's on your mind, and what's in your heart."

"What else am I supposed to tell him? "Hey, honey? I know you're gearing up for the biggest battle of your life, but could you tone it down a little? You're giving me the heebie-jeebies"?

Katrina chuckled. "Well, maybe not like that..."

Janine smiled a little, but just as quickly saddened again with a sigh. "I've driven all the other men in my life away. I don't want to mess this up, too."

"I don't think you need to worry about that," Katrina offered reassuringly. "If he loves you, then he'll listen."

Janine sighed again, albeit a little more bitterly this time. "Love is just an excuse for the stupid things people do when their hormones are raging."

Finally, Steel found his resolve, and quietly began to approach the two.

"Love isn't just about the physical, Janine. It's more than that," Katrina said.

"But how can you tell? How can you know for sure? It just doesn't make sense to me. To know deep down inside, in your gut, that you're meant to be with someone for the rest of your lives? I've never felt that."

"Then perhaps I've wasted my time."

As the two women turned to look behind them, surprised. Janine smiled, in spite of the tears that were running down her face. At least, until she got a good look at the bloodshot and darkened eyes that Steel was looking down at her with.

"Okay, yeah, that figures," she said.

Katrina asked "Steel? Where'd you come from?"

Steel flatly ignored the question, his face a cold mask, lacking emotion.

"That feeling you just discarded, the one in your gut?" he said to Janine. ""I felt that the moment I saw you, and it hasn't died. But if it was never there for you... then what was the point?"

"I said I cared about you, Steel, and I meant it. But I don't understand it."

"I never knew love was meant to be understood," he replied.

It was at this point Katrina thought it might be wise to just slowly back away, and give the two some clearly needed space. Pausing for a moment, she turned to look up at the hotel as she moved away.

"How can you know it's real if you don't understand it?" Janine asked.

"Because I don't have to see it, or feel it, or freaking analyze it to know what I feel. I don't believe in illusions of the body, or organic failsafes to reproduce any of that."

"Good for you. But I'm a machine, Steel. I don't have 'organic failsafes', or whatever. I don't have a soul, I'm just a... a walking Dutch wife."

Katrina raised an eyebrow at that comment.

"You're a life. Not just some machine..."

"That's bull! You might have been made by some guy a long time ago, but it doesn't change the fact that you are here now, you're here of your own will! Your own feelings! Doesn't matter that there are wires inside you instead of veins, they beat with their own life, dammit."

"It doesn't make a difference what the reality is, what matters is how I feel. But..."

"So, how do you feel about it?"

"I... I don't think... I don't know if I've really... felt... something before. I don't know how. Like I've said, you're the first person I've ever really been committed to."

"And you felt nothing when you did? So what, you just decided 'Hey, I think I'll commit today' for no real reason?"

"I've never tried being in love before. What's it even supposed to feel like? Is it this? Because all I feel right now is like I'm being torn in half!"

Meanwhile, Adam, who had snuck up behind Katrina after spotting her downstairs during his own bout with insomnia, clamped his hands on her shoulders.

This would prove to be a poorly thought-out course of action, as the Reploid catlike reflexes saw her leap half a foot into the air before whirling around and inadvertently – somewhat – socking him in the face with her metal-reinforced fist.

"You don't try to be in love! And if you do, then you're missing the point. And... yeah. This would be a part of it, because –" Steel said, before taking a defensive stance with eyes widened from shock after being interrupted by Adam's loud grunt.

Adam staggered as he held his already-bruising cheek. "So nice to see you, too."

"Adam! Oh my god, I'm so sorry!"

"Ow... nice right hook you have there," Adam said, as Katrina helped him to stand.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm good," Adam said, as he felt his jaw to make sure it still worked right. "Or at least, I will be, so long as I remember not to sneak up on you again." He tried to grin, but soon regretted it.

Steel lowered his guard and breathed a heavy sigh of relief once he realized it was only Adam, and returned his attention to the subject of his affection. "Janine, haven't you felt anything at all since we have been together? Haven't you felt anything, something you just couldn't explain, that was good inside?"

"Yeah... I was happy. Really happy. I think happier than I ever remember being with Magnus, or Fenix. It just felt... right."

"That was it. That was love."

"But now, I just feel this... this wrenching inside. It's like you aren't even the same person you used to be anymore. You're sticking yourself with knives, for crying out loud!"

As this went on, Katrina tried to tend to Adam. "Come on, let's go put some ice on that." But Janine's outburst piqued the Digger's attention, as he looked back over at the quarreling pair.

"Wait," he said as he straightened himself. "I'm fine."

"I'm getting stronger!" Steel protested. "So I can protect you! So I won't ever have to see you die, dammit!"

"Why do you think I'm going to die? I'm practically immortal! I'm not going anywhere, Steel."

"Look," Steel started to say, when he was cut off by his fellow Digger approaching.

"Hey, what's all this about you getting stronger by sticking yourself with knives?" Adam asked.

"Back off, Adam. This has nothing to do with you," Steel said before turning his blackened gaze back to Janine.

Before Adam could respond, Katrina grabbed him and dragged him inside. "Now, about that ice..." The sound of Adam protesting that he was fine trailed off as he was taken away.

As Janine stared at her feet, Steel said "There have been only two women in my life that I've cared about. The first one was my mother. She was killed when I was just a boy. Too young to do anything. Too weak to do anything. And all those years later, when that same thing ate her... ate her, I couldn't stop it from doing that."

"The second woman I've cared for," he continued, "is you. I can't see something like that happen to you, I can't be that weak again."

"And when you beat it? Then what?"

Steel paused, almost as though he hadn't thought that far ahead. "Then... it's over. I can put this all behind me, I hope. Put away my armor, put away everything, and just... live. Like I've always wanted to."

"Just put it all aside? The power? The anguish? The pain? All of that? Can you even do that? I couldn't."

"Well, I can. The power is just a tool to get my revenge. The anger... well, it should die with that damn thing. And the pain will be better off when I've redeemed my inabilities."

"Getting vengeance won't make everything go away..."

"Yes, it will!" Steel said, almost shouting as he took a step forward. "When I taste the blood of that damn thing and clean the world of its existence, then my mother's spirit will be able to rest knowing her son did his duty!"

Janine hugged herself. "I don't like it. I don't like what it's doing to you, Steel. Is it worth killing yourself just to kill that thing?"

"Nothing about me is dying."

"You used to be so quiet and gentle, almost innocent. Like you took joy in everything you saw."

"I'm sorry, but learning that some... thing put a sword in my gut, killed me, and ate my mother's body tends to have a bad effect."

"And all you can do to deal with it is demand an eye for an eye? Blood for blood?"

"What would you have me do? What would you do?!"

"I don't know. But what you're doing is consuming you. I'm just glad that you're still here, even after meeting that thing twice. I'm grateful we've been able to have what we've had, but... I'm scared. Scared that if you keep going like this, then there won't be any of 'you' left," she said, before she finally broke down crying.

Steel opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't manage anything. No argument, no counterpoint, no retaliation. He felt his rage swell up inside of him, and tried to hold fast to it, but seeing her like that made it falter.

He just stood there, not sure what to do. Part of him wanted to go to her, while the other part didn't know what was right anymore.

Finally, he walked over to her slowly, and dropped down to his knees, and embraced her for the first time in quite a while. He'd almost forgotten how wonderful her warm touch was. "Jan... I..."

Janine fell against him, trembling. He held her fast, and bowed his head to her.

"I'm sorry, Jan. I... I've been so selfish..."

"I'm not saying I don't want you to avenge your mother," she said quietly. "I just want you to still be you when you do it."

Steel could only whisper "Yes" as he buried his face in her hair.

Janine tightly hugged him as she sobbed into his chest.

Steel sat there in the street with her until the first rays of the sun reached out over the horizon.